|Playing Video Games With Dad|
|Austin with his nurse, Jared. Getting some pain medication|
As I type this, my sweet boy has finally succumbed to sleep. He seems comfortable now and I am grateful for that. I can't help but think about the next month, the next 3 years with dread. There are moments that I don't think I can do it, that I can't manage all this. When I think of the traveling back and forth from St George to Primary's, the missed school and work, the bills getting bigger and bigger, trying to be a mom to 2 other wonderful kids that deserve everything a mom can give them too, frequent ER and doctors visits, etc, etc, etc, and above all else-- seeing my child suffer--how do I do it all? I don't confess these thoughts with the desire to complain or to solicit help from anyone, I just am sitting here having a bit of a pity party, wishing that when I wake up in the morning I will have never heard the word cancer, at least in connection to my child. Somehow I know I will find the strength to move forward, to take it one day at a time. To accept help when it is offered and give it when it is needed. As so many other mom's have done with their own sick kids, I will simply, survive. Deep down I know that I have been given this trial to learn something-- to be a better mom, to be a better friend or neighbor or nurse. I don't pretend to understand why things happen the way they do or why good, sweet, innocent children have to suffer; but I think-- I hope that when all this is said and done, when my boy is cured of this awful disease, we will look back and see how far we have come and understand that somehow, it was for our good.
|As tough as Superman!|